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Tuesday, 01 March 2011

  • It seems like just when I finnally get myself out of the house somewhere to socialize besides a checkout at walmart, I have myself mentally prepared for chatting about kids and how cute they are and etc... but it seems like it never fails that someone will say or ask me something that makes me want to stand there with my mouth hanging open. One of those questions that I know I am treading on thin ice. My answer may make or break my future casual interactions with this person who I know nothing about and have no way of knowing if they become deeply offended. Ugh. And....I have this magical ability to say exactly the most wrong thing ever or not to say anything at all when I definitely should have said something.

    Today this happened a the library. This was our 3rd library time visit over the course of a year. So it suffices to say that I do not know any of the other parents there very well at all. I for the life of me know without a shadow that I don't have the foggiest clue what any of their names are to me, they all sound the same. But we survived another story session and my kids were playing happily in the childrens area afterwards and I very briefly chatted with the most down to earth mom I've ever met at a library before for a minute. This gave me courage and made me think that I have the ability to talk to people...and then I happened upon chatty mommy #2

    Things seemed to start innocently enough as our babies seemed to be similar ages and sizes. We asked how old our babies were and discovered they are aproximately the same age. Her son is a tad older. Ah and they are both adorable...and playing happily this wasn't so bad, then she says "how is it you're so skinny and perfect looking?" Ummmmm I stood there thinking about how many days its been since I had  a shower, how clearly I am not wearing makeup and she is and my brain starts ticking for something anything to say. In some way I was sort of glad somebody had finnally said it to me since I know there are others out there who have thought the same thing and its sort of a welcome change to finnally get to answer a question that seems to float above your head silently. So the honest answer that I gave her is..I don't sit down much and I don't take naps and I am perpetually in motion. And the truth is it sucks a lot of the time. I do accomplish stuff but not necessarily most of the time. A lot of the motion I do is pacing back and forth from room to room, picking up some random object and then forgetting what I"m doing and setting it down, picking up toys and then watching them being thrown on the floor again.

    I think I operate on a set of rules that do not exist and perhaps never did. If they did it must have been way back like in the 50's or something but again I really have no proof of anything so please don't try to hold me to this. It seems logical for people to chat about their kids or a purse or scarf someone is wearing lunch or naptime tips. These I am prepared for and my husband laughed at me when I got home because he thinks I hurt this woman's feelings by not saying "Oh no no you look lovely, I love your *insert anything she is wearing* I think he's probably right. I probably look and sound snobby now because I confirmed that I think I'm a tall slender and of course amazing and perfect person. The truth is I was just shocked and wasn't sure what to say. Yes I don't struggle with the weight gain as a result of having kids. I never have, and I know thats hard for lots of moms as that is one of the most common problems most moms have as a result of kids. But...I also struggled to gain weight during my pregnancy and had tiny babies who I spent at least some amount of time worrying over as a result and honestly still fear gatherings of women because for some reason everyone seems to think that my life is perfect because I can still wear the same jeans I wore before kids.

    The truth is everyone has struggles and issues and parenting is really hard. Its not any easier no matter how you look. Not only that but we all think everyone else has it easier and it makes us a bit snitchy with eachother. All that junk about walking a mile in another man's shoes is kind of silly because the truth is even if you experience something that sounds the same as someone else you might not even feel like you have much in common with another person because of it. Because one person will view it as a tragic and horrible thing and another might think of it as something that helped them turn their life around or grow up or make a new friend or anything else. We all process things differently and we really often don't understand eachother. And thats ok but geez I hope eventually I learn how to talk to moms out there.

    P.S. - If YOU have ever secretly hated me for being thinner than you or if I've said something to you that came off as rude in this sort of way remember that I really am not trying to be mean and am panicking for something to say and may even secretly relive many many situations that I think of as monumental social sins and go easy on me please

Tuesday, 02 November 2010

  • eating with a toddler and managing lack of appetite

    There is something magical about 2 yr olds that causes them to lose their appetite for anything "healthy" they can eat bags and bags of candy and gallons of chocolate milk but only 1 single green pea or curly noodle and seem fine. I've seen and heard all manner of advice from forcing them to eat or making them eat off the same plate until its gone to catering to their any whim as long as they're eating. I tend to try to stick to our normal mealtime procedures when anything is going awry as much as possible so the things that I have done that have helped are:

    • cut their portion size down from what you think they "should" be eating at this age/size to what you actually think they would eat. Think of it this way, if you put 1 bite of each food group down and they finish it all they will have successfully "cleaned their plate" then if they are still hungry after you tell them good job they can have "seconds" otherwise I would offer a similarly small amount of dessert (if you are having it that night) such as a tablespoon size cube of cake or a small piece of candy. Small successes are easier to build on than big catastrophes
    • Another idea I've tried is one bite of the meal food and 1 M&M after its eaten. Remember the goal is twofold in my mind. #1 is that we need food and its good and all that so eat your food, #2 is the social act of eating a meal as a family. Don't forget that social eating is important so even if they are only getting a very small amount of food, try to encourage it and reinforce what small positives you can find to praise.
    • Try to offer choices whenever possible
    • avoid making only 1 or 2 favorite dishes all the time because its easier, its important for kids to practice trying things, don't make it unnecessarily hard either but they will survive off of 3 bites of food and the rest of the family deserves some normal food too.
    • Literally measure the food with measuring spoons if need be to ensure that there is not too much going on the plate. No more than 1 T of each group but even smaller is fine too. I use the 1 T even for older kids if they are going through a picky phase. You can always give them more but don't give yourself too big of a goal because thats all the more to argue over.
    • Try to set yourself up to win not to fail.

Friday, 24 September 2010

  • The changing of the seasons, so many people talk of how lovely it is. That cool crisp air and all the other cozy little things that most people do love and yet for many fall is a tough time. Changes can be so hard, school starting up, colds and flu circling about. The need for things like heat for our houses and warmer clothing, and the days become shorter and darker. Its not necessarily bad but change isn't always easy and it doesn't always feel good or refreshing.

    I usually feel initially fresh and ready to take on the world when September hits, and then a couple weeks later, I just feel tired and dragging my feet again. Most of my new resolutions and ideas have dwindled down. They were good ideas, and they worked but amidst the mass of shorts and jackets and cool days and then a hot one, canning, winterizing the house and trying to keep track of bus schedules that are far from reliable, I find myself struggling to do the basics and trying to pare down my idealistic routine to something manageable.

    I am a creature of habit, loving to have dependable and consistent schedules and routines. When my days are a jumble of things that need to be done and I feel like I have to GO GO GO I start to feel a bit shriveled and crabby. Life feels like it is moving too fast and I am the person who has to motivate my kids. Sometimes its hard to find the motivation and zen quality to calmly deal with the million setbacks and still keep a smile on.

    Many people I know, even fellow moms seem to read a lot. I like reading but it seems to elude me. I last tried to really read regularly a couple years ago. It just doesn't seem to work out, library books expire, or I struggle to find a book that I want to read, or I pick what I think I want to read and then it doesn't work out, either I suddenly get super busy or something else happens. However there is one book I have been plugging away at that I do like. Its called "Simple Abundance". Its kind of like a devotional or something I guess. There's a section for every day of the year and its meant to uplift and motivate us to be the best person we can be. I don't always read it every single day but its a little easier to catch up when I fall behind because its dated.

    Another thing that I struggle with is housework. Before I had kids I would try to clean the house top to bottom once a week. I did the whole house at once. At first when I became a mom I kept trying to do that and felt frusterated when I couldn't. Then I tried a more go with the flow approach but always ended up falling behind and feeling lost. The idea I tried the longest that ultimately didn't really work either was the Flylady stuff. I liked some of her stuff but I hate it when people tell you to "figure out what you need to do and just do it" now honestly do we really have to go to someone's website for them to say that to us? So my older sister finnally introduced me to the Motivated Moms plan, and I love it. They have a simple doable daily routine and then a few extra things most days that are simple and really make a difference. So there's not a big day to clean and instead of trying to mop most of the house they say "mop the kitchen" Its really helped me a lot. The main motivated moms page doesn't have much on it except the sample daily routine and a way to buy their yearly planner that has all the chore lists on it. I would love to order that planner eventually but for now I use the yahoo group that emails the chore lists to us.  To join all you have to do is go to yahoo groups and search for motivated mom, making sure its the one that sends out the lists of chores and not a home business or something else.

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

  • Today is the last day of school and I thought I'd look back at how far we've come just over this school year. Some things are hard to put into words but I'm hoping it'll flow once I start typing.

    Seatbelts
    At the beginning of the school year she struggled to unbuckle her seatbelt and we were working on gettting that down smoother. When we arrived somewhere we had to remind her verbally to unbuckle or push that button and it seemed to take forever lots of times. After a few months she was doing a lot better and with the baby here and Alison having turned 8 (legally not needing the booster seat anymore) we started especially for the short drive to the bus stop, working painstakingly on getting her to buckle up herself. This tool lots of work and was pretty hard for her to learn. We had to hold the seatbelt for her and she had a really hard time getting the metal buckle into that little slot. It took lots of encouraging, practice, frusteration, failed attempts etc. Once she was doing that pretty well we started trying to get her to buckle the middle buckle in the back that kinda zips back in if you don't hold onto it while buckleing. Again that took a little while to get the hang of but she has now mastered all forms of seatbelt buckling. A regular pro now and I often forget when we hop into the car to zoom to the bus stop that she doesnt even need a reminder anymore.

    Hair
    In the fall I was still very carefully pouring the water away from her face while holding a hand on her forehead when washing her hair and for Elias I was using a washcloth to wet and rinse his hair. At one point I felt like it was time to step it up a bit and this was taking too much time and effort so I first started just dumping some water on Elias' hair and decided that Alison was older than him so she should be able to handle a little less coddling too. Right away she would kind of freak out a tad  and the part that seemed to bother her was the water getting into her eyes (not soap just water) I mentioned to her that she could close her eyes and the water woudln't get in there and it clicked with her. I also counted as I poured water 5 cups to wet the hair 5+ to rinse out the soap and I had her count with me. Now she doesn't care at all.

    Another aspect of her hair has been brushing it, for a long time she would fight us on having her hair brushed. We had many long talks about the fact that not brushing hair means that food and gunk gets stuck in it and it gets all tangled and looks unkept. I didn't think we were getting anywhere and we never had a resolving conversation about it but I kept telling her how nice it looked when it was brushed and that we would have to brush her hair whether she made it hard or easy. For a short while I gave her a sticker if she didn't fuss and suddenly she seemed interested in having her hair brushed and we forgot about the stickers because she really didn't mind it at all. She also seems to like having her kept at about shoulder length which makes it easier to brush and doesn't want it put up which is fine as long as its brushed.

    Physical Activity
    Only a few short years ago this girl didn't know how to run and walking even very short distances left her extremely fatigued. She was paralyzed with fear when encountering uneven ground, or a small obstacle such as a small step or a curb with no hand rail. months of practicing and she was able to walk fairly well but still wasn't very good at obstacles or moving quickly.
        A few months ago this spring, she started wanting to race me on our walk home from the bus stop. Now its been a regular thing every day on the way home there's a small hill and she calls it the "racing hill" when we get to the top, she asks if I'm ready to race and jogs down it to the mailbox. After getting the mail she races Daisy (our dog) up the driveway to the house. I honestly never thought I'd see the day and my heart bursts with pride that she is able to run around like any other kid. I wasn't around at the time but I've been told that there was a time that doctors weren't sure if she'd ever learn to walk. Her one foot seemed twisted and they tried fancy braces and all sorts of things but still she struggled to walk at all. Not so today, that same foot now is slightly turned in but she seems to get around just fine.

    Conversation
    Again for the longest time she really had no concept of conversation and would repeat mind numbingly "Hi my name's Alison whats yours" over and over again. I thought I was going to go crazy and she gradually started saying other things often extremely repetetively also. Today she is pretty good at asking questions and answering them. The other day she came up to me and said "hey can I ask you a question?" Then she did. Wow was I impressed. She is so good at talking now its hard to imagine this is the same kid.

    Academics
    At the beginning of this year she had seemed to master letter recognition and counting. I was quite concerned that for 2 years that had been the most she had seemed to do and worried a lot that she would have a very difficult time learning to read or do math. Over the course of this year she has graduated from working on memorizing kindergardent words to all out reading. A few days ago she read a level 2 book which had some bigger words and sentences and things in it. She constantly reads things around her cereal boxes, signs, shirt slogans, anything. She has also been working on basic math starting with addition and in Feb subtraction. They have also been having her write words, letters and numbers besides just her name. This week she has been really excited when she's drawing to write little notes to people with no prompting. Things like "I love you".

    I'm telling you this kid is going to do some great things someday and I feel it. I feel so blessed to get the opportunity to see her blossom and grow and understand and struggle and conquer and become. She is an amazing kid and my heart swelled with pride last night as she sat on my bed holding her baby sister, rocking her and singing "rockabye baby" to her. She takes so much joy in playing with her younger brother and sister and they genuinely love eachother and are buddies. She is very fond of calling her little brother Bud which is coincidentally what her father was called by everyone as a child.

Monday, 14 June 2010

  • Here are my mothering and housekeeping basics and sanity savers:

    • My goal in general is that there should be a path through every room. I should be able to walk through and not trip or fall or weave through. If I see things covering the pathway I either put some away or kick them out of the way and try to get the kids to put some of their toys away.
    • I have recently started using sports bottles with water for the kids during the general day. They can have a drink anytime they want and its not a huge mess. At meals we have milk or juice sometimes but between they can have water.
    • lots of mini pick up sessions, I tell the kids "quick go get 2 toys, or books, or other things if there were hypothetically no toys out. This happens lots and lots of times. If we're watching a tv show (AFV is the fave at our house) commercial breaks will be pickup or mini getting ready for bed times. (pj's, cleanup, teeth brushing etc)
    • Give yourself approx a year to think of your new normal after a baby is born and it goes gradually too not all at once. The first few months after a new baby is born expect to do more pacifying the older kids with things you might not always do watch more movies, eat more ready made things, simpler things, quieter things, don't feel bad the baby needs you to be happy and try to think of it as temporary. This isn't going to be the same way forever so make it manageable so you're not in a straight jacket. Watching a movie is better than having bottles of Jim Beam hidden in your underwear drawer.
    • Think about what areas of the house do or do not make you feel good. If its bothering you think about changing it even if its not one of the biggest parts or "most important". Sometimes small changes can help your attitude and you will feel happier and that can make a BIG difference overall.

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